


Rolling Down The Hill

by pepsicancolours



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Something cute, ish, nurturing Natasha, some casual mention of a car accident, who cares about Tony Stark even though she'd never admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepsicancolours/pseuds/pepsicancolours
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fuck I feel like I got hit by a car… Wait I did? And it was my car?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rolling Down The Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Ridiculous Sentence Prompts challenge on tumblr.  
> A little bit of fun to get me out of a rut I've found myself in. Feedback is always appreciated, it takes two seconds to press the 'kudos' button (you don't have to be a member to do it either) and as always:  
> Do not copy, duplicate or re-post in any shape or form. I do not authorise this piece of writing to be used anywhere.

Natasha hadn’t paid much attention to just how bad the situation looked until the elevator doors opened and she was met with various expressions of horror. Shifting the body draped across her shoulders so she could press forward into the common area, Natasha realised it would be almost impossible to live this down. If she was really honest with herself, had the room been empty, she would have dumped him in a bed somewhere and chalked it up an alcohol related incident. But as she walked, his fingertips swung into view dangling from completely limp arms and she did feel a little bit guilty. She hadn’t meant to – honestly, and she’d repeat that over and over until she was blue in the face if she had to. From experience, Natasha had learned that there were much more effective ways of terminating someone than hitting them with a car. 

Steve was predictably first to rush towards her, hands out in a casual gesture that betrayed the panic in his eyes. Bruce soundlessly appeared beside him. Clint and Thor loitered behind. There was a small beat of silence before the group burst into a chorus of questions, shouting over each other to be heard.

“What happened?!”  
“Who attacked you guys?”  
“Is he okay? What looks to be damaged?”  
“Tony?”

Natasha walked past the guys, carefully depositing Stark on an extortionately priced couch. Delicately, she smoothed his crinkled brow with a fingertip before brushing his hair back. Okay, alright - she felt _very_ guilty. How the hell was she going to explain this? Steve came up behind her, hovering over Tony protectively and she edged out of the way. Bruce fell in, kneeling beside Tony’s face and already prodding at his eyelids to check for pupil responsiveness. 

Natasha perched on the arm rest at Tony’s feet to watch the two men assess the state of their teammate. “I think he has a mild concussion and a sprained ankle, maybe broken, didn’t really get a chance to check before he passed out on me.” 

Once sure Tony wasn’t going to die, they turned awaiting some kind of explanation from Natasha - who was still debating how bad it would look if she got caught in a lie. 

“What happened?” Steve spoke quietly.

“He was hit by a car just outside the tower. Idiot was too busy looking at his phone to see it coming.”

Clint straightened, eyes darting towards Natasha, putting together puzzle pieces the others hadn’t managed to already. She purposely avoided his gaze. Thor crossed the living room to stand in front of her, Mjolnir grabbed from somewhere and hanging firmly in his grasp.

“Who would hurt Tony in such a way? They must be held accountable for their actions!” Thor didn’t take into consideration the volume of his statements but it didn’t matter because Tony barely even stirred. 

“дерьмо́” Natasha sighed, “It was me, I was the one who hit him.” 

Clint held out for a second before a laugh burst free from his lips with an audible _pfft_. His cackling was the only sound in the room for a little while, the extent of it sending him sagging across the coffee table, knocking a recently filled bowl of chips on the floor. Natasha lunged for it as Steve exclaimed, “WHAT?” and both were distracting enough that no one noticed Bruce swiping away on one of Tony’s tablets. The pause screen on the giant television changed to a YouTube page showing the familiar area outside of the tower. The unmistakable red of the car Natasha had been in was at the frame’s edge and she resisted the urge to break the tablet. She figured Jarvis would probably play the clip anyway – he probably didn’t take well to those who endangered his creator. Bruce pressed play as the team turned their attention to a shaky camera and the sound of cars honking. There was shouting from various strangers as the paparazzi followed Tony into the middle of the road, throwing out questions and shoving each other but Tony carried on walking, attention solely on the phone in his hands. The car edged forward in the traffic slowly revealing Natasha’s bored expression.  


Although you couldn’t see it on the clip, a taxi had pulled in leaving enough room to shoot forward a couple of spaces as the light began letting everyone through. Natasha knew because she took that gap, just as Tony walked out and his torso hit the bonnet. It wasn’t a big collision, not really. He hardly even rolled. The shrieking from every pedestrian in a mile radius however, was enough to convince anyone that Tony was dead. Natasha saw everyone in the room glance at the man on the couch long enough to watch him inhale and then snort out a breath. The clip cut short just after Natasha ran to Tony’s side and the room was blanketed in silence again.

Steve turned, his face scrunched up with his trademark _‘how could you’_ expression that was usually reserved for Tony. Natasha choked on a laugh. She shouldn’t be finding this funny. Yep, the faces around her were telling her she should definitely not be laughing. 

“You know what he’s like!” She pointed at Steve almost childishly. “He was probably texting you so it’s technically your fault!”

His eyes flicked guiltily towards the phone on the coffee table that Clint was still sat on.

“You hit him with a car Natasha! One of his own cars, might I add. That can’t exactly be blamed on anyone else.” Steve replied tersely, still avoiding looking at his phone.

“Would you be more or less mad if it wasn’t one of Tony’s cars?” Natasha asked, her lips tilting up fractionally.

Thor chimed in from the beanbag he was now lounging in, Mjolnir tucked away in one of his numerous hidey holes somewhere. “I too was injured by a vehicle once. Jane hit me with her van.” He grinned, looking mightily proud for someone regaling how his girlfriend tried to flatten him.

“Is this going to become a thing now? Will Bruce take me out with his bike next?” Clint grinned at the doctor who just rolled his eyes.

“For the last time, it isn’t a bike!”

Everyone drearily quoted together, “It’s a Vespa scooter.” 

Steve crossed his arms, the fabric of his shirt bunching uncomfortably around his biceps. His eyebrows had yet to un-scrunch. “What were you doing out in Tony’s car anyway?”

“Clint bet me a hundred dollars that I couldn’t use it without Stark noticing. Also, I wanted waffles and we didn’t have any mix left.”

Steve continued, “So you hit Tony with one of his own cars that you’d taken without his permission. Am I getting that right?” 

“Why are we fixating on the car?” Natasha was beginning to feel exasperated. The weight of a disapproving superheroes gaze was never ending. “Come on guys, you’ve all wanted to hit him at some point, admit it!” 

“Yeah not with a car!” Steve unfurled his hands, using them to illustrate how ridiculous the conversation was.

Clint hummed from his seat, “Why doesn’t he have hands free?” Steve and Bruce frowned in his general direction only to be met with a boyish smirk.

“See! We should focus on that, Tony walked out into traffic! What if it hadn’t been me that hit him? Why are you not interrogat- Oh.” The group suddenly seemed to remember that Tony was lying on the couch beside them, still unconscious and dribbling onto his sofa. Natasha shifted from one arm rest to the other until she was next to Tony’s head. Hesitating slightly and overly aware of everyone watching her, she began dragging her fingers slowly through Tony’s hair, rhythmically repeating the gesture over and over.

“How do we know it was an accident?” Thor’s statement caught Natasha off guard. In fact, this whole day had been a train wreck but Thor questioning whether she intended to crush Tony under a car tipped it over the edge. “I’ve seen many a warrior brought down by lesser men hungry for power.”

Almost frustrated she replied, “Listen, I have plans in place for should any of you need…removing from a situation and none of them include a car and multiple witnesses.” Her hands continued untangling Tony’s hair, fluffing it up on all sides, her movements a contrast to the sinister undertone of her admission.

“I have no idea if you’re joking or not.” Bruce countered.

Clint dramatically shuddered, “Well I’ll never steal your popcorn again…” 

“Did Fury tell you to -” Steve was cut off by a loud grunt from the man on the couch who blinked blearily at the assassin petting him.

“What the hell.” He tried to sit up until Natasha pushed him down gently. “Fuck I feel like I got hit by a car…” Natasha winced as she felt the childish glares of four grown men settle on her. Tony’s eyes searched the room noticing everyone was looking at the redhead above him and started to put things together. “Wait, I did? And it was your car?”

“Well, technically it was yours, I was just driving.”

“You hit me with MY OWN CAR?!”

“You walked out into the middle of the road!”

“You still hit me! With one of MY cars!”  


Natasha slumped in defeat because there was no way to argue against what she did. She had hit Tony with one of his own cars. Case closed. File stapled and sent for storage. She just had to hope he wouldn’t sick one of his bots on her. 

“I am so stunned right now I don’t even have words.”

Clint jumped up, stretching like a cat, “Technically you’re using words-“

Both Natasha and Tony yelled, “CLINT!” and watched as their best marksman stuck his tongue out before wandering into the kitchen, one hand scratching his stomach. Now that Tony had woken, Bruce had relaxed enough to sit down on the floor, head close to where Tony lay on a mound of cushions. Steve too had chosen to drop down, lifting Tony’s feet up and placing them in his lap before removing his shoes. Feeling a little more relaxed, Tony allowed Natasha to continue stroking his hair as he grumbled about the press and how Pepper was going to make him wish he’d been put in a coma. 

Clint returned moments later with another bowl of chips and Jarvis automatically resumed the movie they were watching before Natasha walked in.

\- - -

A few hours later when Bruce had done an extensive round of tests to make sure nothing inside Tony was irreparably damaged, he returned limping (a sprain, not a fracture) to a haphazard sofa nest of blankets and cushions. He moved a few bits out of the way before crawling onto the couch and laying his admittedly sore head in Natasha’s lap. She resumed the steady motion of scraping her nails gently through his hair. 

“I didn’t say it before but I’m sorry Tony, I really am.”

Turning his head to look up at her face, soft with guilt, “It’s okay. I’d have probably ran me over just out of spite.” Tony watched her lips lift upwards before facing the television again, cheeks pressed into Natasha’s thighs. 

Sleepily he spoke into the room, “Hey, does anyone remember that time Natasha tried to run me over?”

Pillows flew from every direction as everyone groaned Tony’s name. Natasha could feel the laughter on her legs.

**Author's Note:**

> 'дерьмо́' is to mean 'Shit' (apologies if it doesn't, I did some bare research on Russian swears online to find it)


End file.
